Roxie, Thanks. I just found this site and thought I would get involved. First I had an episode of trying to find a baby gate in my basement that woke me up to the fact I had a problem that would only get worse. For days I had a difficult time coming to grips with my life. Not knowing where to start, I began in the kitchen slowly de-cluttering a little bit each day.

At that time it didn't even dawn on me that my parents were my biggest enablers. I don't know what caused me to come to this realization about them, but it was like a light bulb went off. I knew I couldn't dig myself out unless they stopped bringing things over. I know they were just trying to help out, and I appreciated that. But it was getting to the point where they would bring something over that I would never use and I would say something like "I really can't use that." My mom's response would be "well, maybe you could hold on to it in case someone you know can use it." And on top of the junk pile it would go. Anyway, the first time they were over after my light-bulb moment was when I took them to the basement. After that I started my recovery in earnest.

Janie, what a good thing to read your story and see your determination to change things now. Congratulations!

For me, reading here and posting every day makes all the difference in moving forward.

I think your showing your parents your basement and telling them how it is was so smart and was a good move in setting boundaries. Allowing them to choose to let things go even if by default is the kindest thing.

So often I have read in my hoarding and squalor readings that folks hoard "for the life I'd like to live" instead of the life they really live. And so many of the children of the people who lived through the 1930s tend to be "frugal" in saving everything "in case" they need it.

I think the rule of thumb in clearing out such things is have you used it in the past year and or are you going to use it in the next week? If not, out it goes, whether to a dumpster, a charity or somewhere else. Just not where it is now hoarded nor on the property. Oh, and no renting storage sheds. LOL

I didn't grow up poor, but money was tight. I learned to be frugal and never throw away something useful. When I moved out on my own my mother helped me out by giving me things that she didn't want anymore. There were towels, dishes, glasses, bake ware, lamps, etc. This actually was great for me. When I became financially independent I asked her to stop bringing things over and she did. At this point all was good.

Then I got married (wedding gifts), bought a house (housewarming gifts) and had my first child (baby gifts) within an 18 month period. It was then that my upbringing of not throwing out anything useful kicked in gear. I had an abundance of storage space in the new house and just kept boxing things up that I didn't use. These items were too good to get rid of and I might need them someday. The guilt of not getting rid of gifts was there too.

Now that we had a house, mortgage and baby to provide for, money was becoming an issue. My parent's way of helping out was to start bringing stuff over again. A lounge chair for the basement, an extra coffee table, a patio set, towels, blender, and such. It was rare that my parents visited without bringing something for us. What I didn't realize until then is that my mom was a secret hoarder. She didn't get rid of anything since I asked her to stop bringing stuff over to my apartment when I was still single. Her reasoning was that I may need it someday and she wanted to be the one to provide it for me. All of their unwanted stuff was being stored in their attic, garage and a spare bedroom. I personally think she just didn't want the responsibility of getting rid of things, so she put that on me. Of course I did get guilt along with the stuff. "How come I don't see the (whatever) I gave you?" "Didn't you like it?" "You didn't give it to someone else, did you?" You get the picture.

Fast forward 25 years. Every inch of storage space was filled and then the entire finished basement became junk storage. There was no where to put anything else so I somewhat stopped cleaning. I figured what good would it do if I didn't have a place to put the unwanted items from each room. All the bedrooms became over-loaded with stuff. The situation went from bad to worse. As things broke I didn't get them fixed because I was too embarrassed to let repair workers in the house. At this point I guess I was a functioning hoarder, if there is such a thing. The public areas of my house are in somewhat decent shape. There is some clutter and repairs that need to be done, but nothing too bad that prevents my parents and a few select close friends from coming over. But no one was allowed in the upstairs bedrooms or bathrooms, or in the basement. The garage was very cluttered but I don't really care because most people I know have the same thing.

I don't know what happened, but one day I finally had enough. I brought my parents down to the basement and told them, "Most of this stuff was yours at one time or was given to us as a gift. I need to re-claim my basement. If there is anything you want back, take it. If not, I'm letting you know now that most of it will be donated or thrown out." And that is how I started on the road to recovery. One small bag of trash... one donation box... one load of laundry. I still have a long, long way to go but I'm trying my best to stay motivated.

I forgot to mention: I still have a couple big piles of paperwork to go through and I've done two things to help with that. I bought three big folders that close with a rubber band type thing. I've marked 2011, 2012 and 2013 and will sort by date into those. These are tax papers, receipts, etc.

For all other papers, I bought a cheap paper shredder and I open the mail near it. It is very satisfying for me to put something into the shredder. And I feel safer about putting things into the garbage after they are shredded, if they have personal information on them. I did learn the hard way not to put envelopes with cellophane into the shredder as it jammed it for awhile. Credit cards and such I cut by hand with scissors. Who knows why I had so many expired cards laying around. Purse laziness I guess.

I hope you newer folks will come back and continue to post. It helps in recovery, for sure!

Busymom, the bringing more things into the house (or garage or wherever) is where to put your own foot down. As Tillie said, if you do not NEED it, then it isn't a bargain in any way because it will just cause more clutter and more despair, and you cannot AFFORD that. I know about debt because on a binge on the internet and eBay years ago, I pushed my limits. I watch a lot of the tv show Suse Orman, and that actually started me to pay attention to finances. It took several years but I paid off all credit card debt, finally.

I agree that if you plan to sell, you must make CONCRETE plans and pin a deadline on it. Otherwise it is just wishful thinking. You could put the 100 Skeins on eBay in "lots" of 25 and sell them, but I'll bet you soon learn that it isn't worth the effort if you even make back the money you spent. You can instead get a tax write off by donating things to a charity. As for paying off debt, a lot of that has to do with focusing on ways to do it most efficiently, even if that means taking a part-time job dedicated to debt repayment. For me, it took writing down my debt, the percentage of interest for each account, then paying off one at a time and after it was paid off, rolling that money onto the next credit card to pay that off, etc. Of course, I could no longer use credit cards or it would just accumulate. I do maintain credit cards for emergencies or major expenditures as needed. I paid for all my new appliances by credit card, but I have the cash to pay it off within four months, which I will do. It is just too expensive nowadays to keep credit card debt.

As for new purchases, I did not buy a new (really used) car until my last one died under me, literally. I almost never buy new clothes, but purchase second hand ones that are new to me. The rare retail purchase is only for a very special occasion and that may come up once every few years. And I plan for it by saving money.

Hope this helps.

Hi Busymomof3 :)

It is not easy to break this circle but you CAN do it.
First & most important thing is to stop bringing in any more stuff.
No matter how great a deal it is if you do not need it right now today, like food, do NOT bring it home.
No window shopping, no yard sales, no "free" stuff, no internet browsing shopping sites.
Only shop when you have a need for an item or items, like food, and use a list. Buy only what is on this list, nothing more.
The shopping addiction gives you a "high" when you score a fantastic deal. But that high so very quickly wears off, leaving you upset & depressed in all the clutter.
Replace this addiction with other more positive activities.
Find other things to do that give you some pleasure.

Since you plan to sell items, set a firm date for when this will be accomplished.
Online? Yardsale?
Don't wait until you have everything all sorted out and organized before you act on this plan to sell.
The more you get out of your home right now the easier it will be to sort out what else you may be able to let go of.

Please keep posting and reading here. Ask all the questions you have and feel free to just talk to other people who really understand what you are going through. :)

Why do I hoard? I don't know. Maybe its because I like free & cheap. I don't NEED 100 skeins if yarn, bug I've only spent about $50 or less on all of them. I don't NEED to save old clothes to fix or repurpose. I don't NEED to save evry pen, pencil, or piece of paper. I just don't know HOW to throw "good" stuff away. I don't have room to store it. My garage is jam packed. My closets are full. My house makes my family sick...emotionally & physically...and I still can't stop accumulating. I've cut down on how much I bring in and have started sorting and getting stuff ready for a sale. I need money to pay off credit cards (a side effect of accumulating stuff is debt) so I want to sell everything not donate it. It's a never ending circle and I don't know how to stop it.

Why do I hoard? I don't know. Maybe its because I like free & cheap. I don't NEED 100 skeins if yarn, bug I've only spent about $50 or less on all of them. I don't NEED to save old clothes to fix or repurpose. I don't NEED to save evry pen, pencil, or piece of paper. I just don't know HOW to throw "good" stuff away. I don't have room to store it. My garage is jam packed. My closets are full. My house makes my family sick...emotionally & physically...and I still can't stop accumulating. I've cut down on how much I bring in and have started sorting and getting stuff ready for a sale. I need money to pay off credit cards (a side effect of accumulating stuff is debt) so I want to sell everything not donate it. It's a never ending circle and I don't know how to stop it.

Dianne, I really liked your post and it helped demonstrate yet another way to work around our problems successfully.

Hi everyone,
I made a new discovery today.

I am a graphic designer by trade and last year I graduated. This year (apart from realising I had a hoarding problem) I went back to see this years degree show at the local college.

There were only 2 person work I liked. Both were fashion designers and both had neat, precise, and colourful clean pieces to show. The rest of the students showed experimental crinkly, beige, pieces and lost any insight into the theme of their work.

Maybe that tells me about myself. I DON'T LIKE MESS!! This means I am a minimalist. Hence why I get depressed when I see my hoard.

Look at other peoples work I ask yourself: WHY DO I LIKE IT? WHAT DOES THAT SAY ABOUT ME?

Gabbie, I hope you'll continue to post on these boards, and read. I think you'll find it helps you get unstuck. Do 15 minutes a day of cleaning and/or sorting. See if you can manage that?

Welcome Gabbie :)

Hi - I'm new here - Good to share!

I obviously don't have the answer to the why, however, I thought I start by joining the conversation to possible get some answers.

A few months back went to mom's where I have most of my storage boxes. Didn't take long for me to come to the realization that I had A PROBLEM with accumulation - not everything, but paperwork, receipts, unopened mail. YES, I have about 15 boxes full of it.

Determined to fix the problem....I brought 4 boxes home, began working on it - off and on - about 3 days, then totally stopped.

Which let me to see and accept, how strong the aversion to even getting close TO HANDLE THE PROBLEM.

That's my starting point....I hope together we could grow from here.

Blessings

Hi LostWorldWoman :)

Sorry to hear you have no help.
Many people's homes fall into squalor when they get sick and can't clean.
Things don't get taken out any more and the dust all builds up around them.

Welcome to the message board. :)

I can't decide if my house is a hoarding problem or just a huge clutter problem. I became so ill years ago, that I was unable to contine working a very physical job that I loved. The same one that my husband had and yet I did the household chores as well.
My husband, who isn't exactly empathetic, promised me things wold be fine when I retired with a small pension and his income. And it was, for a few years. Then I began to have other physical problems and was unable to keep up with the house chores.
Of course my husband thinks that's my job and complains now that he now does everything. Well if that were true I wouldn't be writing this. He would take my things, and with no organization skills, throw all my things together in a box that I can't find for years!
He thinks I am being picky and refuses to help anymore. He just pushes things aside or back.
I told him I grew up with a father who was so anal retentive that he would be angry if he found my shoes or homework, whatever, some place he felt it didn't belong and throw it in the trash.
I would be out at the street digging through the cans looking for my things. And it was embarrassing.

Yet despite knowing this, my husband acts resentful that our home isn't like his mothers, on whose floor you could eat a meal on, such are her cleaning skills.
He obviously resents my poor health and now hold our money which he calls "his" money, over my head and he does whatever he wants.
He blames everything on me and that sends me down into a spiral of despair.
I am too embarrassed to let anyone come over because of the dust and dog hair. There are also some things like my art equipment stacked up and it just seems overwhelming with no help.
I have tried talking to my therapist about it, but he seems to refuse to believe that it could be that bad. I feel if it's enough to upset me then it's that bad,

I don't know how to start a topic since it is my first time but I'm willing to talk about my mother.

My mother suffers from PTSD and OCD. Hoarding/cluttering for her is hereditery. Both her mother and grandmother have hoarded.
She has had a house fire caused by a lit bottle on fire(arson)which caused her to lose everything and damage a photo album of hers. Because of that she doesn't want to ever lose everything again.
She was married to a drinker so she keeps liquor bottles and buys more empty liquor bottles to be a reminder of him.
More recently due to the loss of her sister then her mother she wants to keep all of or almost all of what they had I guess because of the fear of losing the memory of them. Storing her late sister's items in the storage locker and never going over there. Replacing items or buying items for her sister for things that she can not have might make her feel better. It might replace the feeling of loss.
My mom said that because she can't get photos of her mother, she insists of replacing and keeping things that she does not have room for or any place to store them.
She keeps postponed crafts because she plans to do the crafts when she retires. Bags and bags of scrap material and non-scrap material.
She keeps planning on what she would like to do for the backyard and those things are still in the original boxes. As a 10yr old I had to beg her not to get me any more toys because I realized toys in and not out very quickly take up space.
She still insists on getting me things today and says to me " You don't like it when I get you things so I'll get things for your sister." Still no one in one out rule for her. Her view is buy to help me feel comfortable, safe, peace of mind, satisfactory. She doesn't want to face her fear of shame,embarrasment,guilt,sadness if someone would ever help her.
She does admit the problem but does not admit that she wants any help.